After having sopken to a very holy priest in confession, I believe that I may be sure of my vocation! I asked him if it were ok for me to want to enter Carmel to be seperated from this world and its immorality or if this was a selfish trick of Satan. He then asked me if I did it out of love for God. I said with all my heart YES! This has strengthened my desire for Carmel. Although I am still open to Gods will, this had become a very strong desire in my soul! I think about Carmel day and night and I try to conform my life as it is now to that of these holy brothers and sisters.
The idea of neverending prayer in a community of others who share the same love of our Jesus attracts me so much!
Also, this dive into Carmelite spirituality has deepened my devotion to the Child Jesus! What simplicity he lived his life in Nazereth! How out of the way and unnoticed he went! For surely, if he would have done something great during these holy years of his life, the evangelists would surely have recorded them. My great-grandmother gifted me with a beautiful holy card of the Child Jesus in payment for cleaning up her apartment. I will have to scan it and upload it soon. I take much joy in looking at this very old Holy Card of the Divine Child! I keep it in my pocket and never get tired of pulling it out when I finish my schoolwork and gaze lovingly at the Child. For Christmas if I only recieved one small picture or Holy Card of another Child Jesus, I would be more overjoyed than if I recieved all the riches of the world!
O miraculous Infant Jesus, we beseech You to cast a merciful look on our troubled hearts. Let Your tender Heart, so inclined to pity, be softened at our prayers, and grant us that grace which we so ardently implore.
Take from us the affliction and trials with which we are laden. For the sake of Your sacred Infancy, hear our prayers and send us consolation and aid, that we may praise You with the Father and the Holy Spirit forever and ever.